Song - If I Weren't A Boy Scout

This song seems to have many variations. Two popular variations are:

If I were not a Boy Scout, something else I'd rather be.. If I were not a Boy Scout, a ______ I would be. And this is what you'd hear me say:

If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be, If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...

In either case the idea is to name an occupation and act out the words while singing to the amusement of all. This is a song meant to be funny. Add creative touches and costumes for the maximum fun.

This song usually needs at least five Scouts to be fun. Each Scout has his own verse to sing. Start with the group refrain and then add a Scout each time you sing it. (Refrain + first Scout, Refrain + first Scout + second Scout ....) It gets longer and funnier each time.

Here are some verses that go with it.

  • Plumber - Plunge it, flush it, overflow, Plunge it, flush it, look out below!

  • Lawyer - Guilty - Innocent - (Pause ---) I don't really care!

  • Preacher - Hallelujah, Amen (Pause --) Pass the plate again

  • Pizza maker - Toss it, turn it, throw it in the air (make motions, turn around) Toss it, turn it, - got it in my hair

  • Hark - a - Lark - flying through the park, Splat!

  • Bus driver - turn it, swerve it, push it to the floor

  • Truck Driver - grind them gears -- been doing it for years!

  • Farmer - here's a cow, there's a cow, YUK!

  • Farmer (milking cow) - Give, Bessie, Give - Baby's gotta live

  • Garbage Collector I Would Be - Pile that garbage, pile that garbage, pile it to the sky!

  • A Statute I Would Be - (Strike a pose as a statue without moving the rest of the song)

  • A Life Guard I Would Be - Look so fine, Look so fine, no tan line

  • A Camp Director I Would Be - Do this, do that, Hmmm, I think I'll take a nap

  • A Lumberjack I Would Be - Chop the tree, chop the tree, I hate Ecology

  • Carpenter (nailing) - Two by Four - nail it to the floor, bang bang bang

  • Girl Scout - Hey there Doctor, Hey there Rookie, come on down and buy a cookie

Here's an example of the song using about 15 people (some of the verses are the same as above and some are new ones)

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(1st Scout) A Hippie I would be.
(Say Slowly) Peace! Love! Never cut your hair!
Peace! Love! Never cut your hair!

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Fireman I would be.
(Sat Fast) Jumpedee Jumpedee Umm Splash
Jumpedee Jumpedee Umm Splash

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Preacher I would be.
(Say medium speed) Well, well you never can tell, you might go to 
Heaven or you might go to...
Well, well you never can tell, you might go to Heaven or you might 
go to...Well, well you never can tell

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Rambo Smurf I would be.
(Smurf Tune) La, La, La, La La La, La, La, La, La La La. BANG!!
La, La, La, La La La, La, La, La, La La La. BANG!!

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Tree I would be.
(Hold up tree branches for a few seconds)

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Farmer I would be.
(Same tempo as the Fireman) Give, Betsie, Give. My babies got to live
Give, Betsie, Give. My babies got to live

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Hairdresser I would be.
(Act real hyper) Twist it! Tease it! Tie it in a bow! Woo!!
Twist it! Tease it! Tie it in a bow! Woo!!

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Cop I would be.
(Medium speed) Chocolate cover, cream filled
Chocolate cover, cream filled

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A College Student I would be.
(Fast) Party, party all night long.
Party, party all night long.

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Plumber I would be.
(Medium speed) Plung it! Flush it! Look out below!
Plung it! Flush it! Look out below!

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Carpenter I would be.
(Medium speed) Two by Four, and nail it to the floor.
Two by Four, and nail it to the floor.

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Ice Cream Man I would be.
(Medium speed) Scoop It! Slush It! That will be a dime!
Scoop It! Slush It! That will be a dime!

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Scoutmaster I would be.
(Yelling) SHUT-UP!! SHUT-UP!! Go to bed. OH my gosh my aching head!!
SHUT-UP!! SHUT-UP!! Go to bed. OH my gosh my aching head!!

(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be,
(group) If I were not a Boy Scout, I'll tell you what I would be...
(Next Scout) A Girl Scout I would be.

           This example courtesy of Tim Hildebrandt

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