SKITS

WHO'S A WOLF?
Rich Weilacher

Wow, there's a lot of people here.
Why, sure there is. They're all Cub Scouts, along with their families. We're having our Blue & Gold Banquet.
Oh, Cub Scouts. Can I be in the Cub Scouts?
Yeah, sure you can.
Well, do you know anybody in this Cub Scout pack?
Of course I do.
Well, can you give me the names of some of the boys in the Cub Scout pack?
Well. sure. We got Who's a Wolf, What's a Bear, and I-Don't-Know's a Webelos.   
You know the fella's names.
Yes.
Well then who's a Wolf?
Yes.
I mean the fellows name that's a Wolf.
Who.
The fellow that's a Wolf.
Who!
The fella that's a Wolf in this pack!
Who!
The guy that's a Wolf!
Who is a Wolf!
Well, what are you asking me for?
I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Who is a Wolf.
I'm asking you, who's a Wolf.
That's the boy's name.
That's who's name?
Yes.
Well, go ahead and tell me.
Who.
The boy's name that's a Wolf.
Who.
The Wolf!
Who is a Wolf.
Do you have a Wolf in your pack?
Yes.
Then, who's a Wolf?
Absolutely.
When you give out awards at the pack meeting, who gets them?
Everyone he earned. After all, he's entitled to them.
Who is?
Absolutely.
So, who gets it?
Well certainly.
All I'm trying to find out is, what's the guys name that's a Wolf?
Oh, no. What is a Bear.
I'm not asking you who's a Bear.
Who's a Wolf.
That's what I'm trying to find out!
Look, you can't change their ranks.
I'm not changing anybody. What's the guy's name that's a Wolf?
What's the guy's name that’s a Bear.
I'm not asking you who's a Bear.
Who is a Wolf.
I don't know.
He's a Webelos. We're not even talking about him.
How did I get to the Webelos?
You mentioned his name.
If I mentioned the Webelos name, who did I say is a Webelos?
No, Who is a Wolf.
Stay out of the Wolf den, will ya?
Well, what do you want me to do?
I want you to tell me, what's the boy's name that's a Webelos?
No, What's a Bear.
It's an animal out in the woods.  I'm not asking you who's a Bear.
Who's a Wolf.
I don't know.
He's a Webelos.
Here I go again, back to the Webelos.
Well, you keep bringing his name up.
Will you please stay with the Webelos, mister.
Now, what is it that you want to know?
What is the boy's name that's a Webelos?
What is the boy's name that's a Bear.
I'm not asking you who's a Bear.
Who's a Wolf.
I don't know.
(Both) Webelos.
You got den leaders?
Well, sure.
The Wolf den leader's name?
Why.
I dunno, I just thought I'd ask ya.
Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Tell me who the Wolf den leader?
Who is a Wolf.
I'm not even talking about the Cubs.
Then why did you ask?
I want to know, what's the Wolf den leaders name?
What's a Bear.
I'm not asking you who's a Bear.
Who's a Wolf.
I don't know.
(Both) Webelos.
Take it easy. Take it easy, man.
Then the Wolf den leader's name.
Why.
Because.
Oh, he's the Bear den leader.
Look, mister. You got a cubmaster?
Well, sure we do. This would be a fine pack without a cubmaster, now wouldn't it?
Tell me the cubmaster's name.
Tomorrow.
You don't want to tell me today?
I'm telling you, man.
Then go ahead.
Tomorrow.
What time?
What time, what?
What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's the cubmaster?
Who is not the cubmaster. Who is a  . . . . . . . . . .
Don't say it! I’ll break your arm if you say who's a Wolf.
All right, what do you want to ask me?
I want to know what's the cubmaster's name.
What's a Bear.
I don't know.
(Both) Webelos.
You have an assistant cubmaster.
Yes.
The assistant cubmaster's name?
Today.
Today? And the cubmaster's name is tomorrow?
Yes, now you got it.
That's all. The pack has a couple of days in it.
Well I can't help that.
Could you use another assistant cubmaster?
Yes.
I'd make a good assistant cubmaster.
I'm sure you would.
I would like to be a part of your pack.
I think I could arrange that.
I would like to assist. Now, I'm being a good assistant cubmaster. Tomorrow's the cubmaster and I'm his assistant. Tomorrow's up and giving out awards, and the Wolves are being called up to get their awards. Me, being a good assistant gets the award and gives it to who?
Now, that's the first thing you said right.
I don't even know what I'm talking about!
You give it to Who.
The fella that's a Wolf.
Yes.
Now, who's got it?
Naturally.
Who has it?
Naturally.
Naturally?
Naturally.
Okay! I got the award and I give it to Naturally.
No you don't. You give the award to the Wolf.
Then who gets it?
Naturally.
Okay!
All-right!
I get the award and Naturally gets it.
He doesn't. You give it to Who.
Naturally.
Well, that's it. See?
That's what I said before!
You didn't.
I said I give the award to Naturally.
You don't. You give it to Who.
Naturally.
Yes.
So, I give the award to a Wolf, and Naturally gets it.
No, you give the award to Who.
Then who gets it?
Naturally.
That's what I'm saying!
You're not saying that. (Apologize to the audience for the confusion)
I give the award to Naturally.
You give the award to Who.
Naturally.
Right. Now say it that way.
That's what I'm saying. I give the award to a Wolf.
Then Who gets it.
He better get it. Now, I give out the awards to the wolves, and Who gets it. But it's the wrong award, so we go on to the Bears. Who gives it to What, What gives it to I-Don't-Know. I-Don't-Know gives it back to Tomorrow. It's nobody's award.
Yeah, it could happen.
Another group comes up and gives the awards to Because. Why, I don't know. He's a Webelos, and I don't care!
What did you say?
I said I don't care!
Oh. He's our Tiger Cub.

THE END

How To Organize a Vaudeville Show
York Adams Area Council

A vaudeville show is a collection of individual acts. Your group may have especially talented members who can sing, dance, tumble, or do any one of a variety of things. If so, your show is made. 

Another suggestion for tying the show together is to have a clown or Master of Ceremonies introduce each act. He can do this vocally or set up large announcement cards on an easel at the front of the stage. You can also divide your group into sections, making each section responsible for an act. To start off, have a large sign on stage read: “Vaudeville Show Tonight - 8:30.” The comedians come on, study the card and say:

1st Comedian: Oh, boy, a vaudeville show! I wouldn’t miss this for the world. I haven’t seen one in years!
2nd Comedian: What do you mean - in years? You’re not that old.
1st Comedian: That may be. But I come from a long line of show people.
2nd Comedian: Oh really? I didn’t know that.
1st Comedian: Oh, sure. If there’s a long line in front of a show, I get in it!

Introduction for the Jugglers

1st Comedian: Hey, jugglers! Now there’s something I know about. I was a great juggler once.
2nd Comedian: No kidding. What did you do?
1st Comedian: I juggled oranges. Why, I was so good that I used to juggle 20 oranges at once and I performed five times a night.
2nd Comedian: Why did you quit?
1st Comedian: I found a better business.
2nd Comedian: What was that?
1st Comedian: Selling orange juice! (The jugglers come on, with the special juggling and balancing props. Have the performers work with the props, making the juggling and balancing look quite tricky.  With a little showmanship, the audience will be quite impressed with their ability. After their act, they bow and exit.)

Introduction for the Dancers

1st Comedian: Ah, dancing. How I love dancing!
2nd Comedian: Now I suppose you’re going to tell me you come from a long line of dancers!
1st Comedian: Oh, no, as a matter of fact I come from a very short line--mom was only 4 feet 8 inches!
(A chorus line of dancers comes on, dressed in the topsy-turvy costumes. At the end, they may let their “feet” down and exit.)

1st Comedian: That was really something. I used to love to dance on my hands.
2nd Comedian: You did? Wasn’t that rather silly?
1st Comedian: Oh, no, that way I didn’t step on anyone’s toes!

Introduction for the Singers

(The singers enter. Have them mouth the words and movement to a record by a popular singing group. After they complete their act, the comedians return.)

1st Comedian: I remember a singing group I was in. We were pretty well known. I guess you could say our fame stretched far and wide!
2nd Comedian: Oh really? What was the name of your band?
1st Comedian: We were known as Art Gum and his Rubber Band!

Introduction for the Trained Animals

(And on they come - several monkeys with their trainer. The trainer puts them through their paces, a number of tumbling tricks. At the end, the monkeys go off and the trainer takes a bow. The monkeys come back on, drag the trainer off and then they take a bow and exit.)

2nd Comedian: Boy, those monkeys looked almost human!
1st Comedian: Yeah, especially their leader!
2nd Comedian: Dummy, that was their trainer! He IS human!
1st Comedian: Well, for heaven’s sake! He looked almost monkey!

Introduction for the Finale

1st Comedian: Oh, it’s time for the tin-ay-le already. I just love tin-ay-les.
2nd Comedian: Not tin-ay-les. It’s pronounced fin-ah-lee.
1st Comedian: No kidding! Fin-ah-lee. (Spells it.)
F-i-n-a-l-e -- fin-ah-lee.
2nd Comedian: Oh, just say good night to the ladies and gentlemen.
1st Comedian: Good night, ladies and gentlemen, otherwise known as fe-mah-leez and mah-leez.

(The Master of Ceremonies comes out and brings back the performers in the order in which they appeared. Finally, two monkeys come on from opposite sides of the stage holding up signs attached to their tails. One sign says: “The”. The other’s sign says “End”. After they meet at center stage, the entire cast takes a bow and the curtain closes.)

THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE
York Adams Area Council

This is done very much however you wish, but the overall object is to set the stage for shooting an intricate scene, have the actors doing whatever they are supposed to do—on the first cut they mess it up one way, on several subsequent cuts they mess it up other ways, until it finally comes out perfectly—and at the very end, the cameraman asks the director “Do you want me to put film in the camera yet?” or something to that effect.  Of course everyone chases the cameraman off the stage. 

When doing this, select a simple scene but with enough actors that they can really ham up things.  They might be very lethargic at first, and then too animated next, etc.  Or they could do the wrong things each time, etc.  Have the director being very animated, yelling and screaming from one scene to the next, saying CUT-CUT a lot, etc.  And have the cameraman carefully doing his duty, tracking the actors, checking the lighting, etc.  This can end up a really hammed up skit, which really throws everyone when the punch line comes.

HOLLYWOOD
York Adams Area Council

Characters: Camera operator, a reader or director, Hero, Heroine, Curtain 1, Curtain 2, one Chair (more if desired). Hour 1, Hour 2, Sun, Darkness, Stairs, Shadow 1, Shadow 2, Clock. All characters are marked with large signs.

Props: Pitcher of water, banana, chalk, small pail, flatiron, stand, table, bowl of goldfish containing a piece of carrot, vegetable grater, sheets of paper, movie camera (box with floodlight to give flickering effect).

Stage Directions: In the sentences of the skit, you will find numbers in parenthesis like this (1). In the left column, you’ll find the actions that each character is to do when that sentence is read.

Voice: (either director’s or offstage over P.A.): Hollywood! A motion picture in one act, without actors -just characters.
Produced by:
Directed by:
Censored by:
Costumes, buy low and sell high.

Action! Camera! We find our show has now begun.
The Curtains part (1) and the Clock strikes one (2).

The sun rises (3), a little bit late
And our Hero studies before the grate (4).

Over his notes he is studiously pouring (5)
And their content greedily devouring (6)

He crosses the floor (7) three times, no more.
And a fish in the bowl, also, no more (8)

The Maid comes tearing down the Stairs (9).
And falls into - one of the Chairs (10).

Our Heroine sweeps (11) into the room,
And the Maid flies out (12) like on a broom

Seeing a bit of the fish’s tail (13)
The Heroine turns a little pale (14).

But now our Hero on bended knee (15)
Appeals to her (16) to married be

The Hours (17) pass as he presses her hand (18).
But her fruitless appeal we can understand (19).

Which leaves us with no happy ending.

So the Sun goes down, lower, lower (20).
And the shadows came on, slower-slower. (21)

The clock strikes two (22) and darkness falls (23).
And, if you please, no curtain calls (24)

1. Curtains separate and walk offstage.
2. Clock strikes hero on head.
3. The Sun stands up, rising slowly.
4. Hero stares at food grater.
5. Hero pours water over sheets of paper.
6. Hero tears notes and chews on than.
7. Hero makes 4 x’s on floor with chalk.
8. Hero goes to goldfish bowl and lifts out piece of carrot which he puts in his mouth.
9. Maid runs in and tears up “stairs”
10. Maid falls into lap of “Chair”.
11. Heroine enters sweeping with broom.
12. Maid exits making birdlike motions.
13. Hero exposes carrot sticking out of his mouth.
14. Heroine lifts and turns pail.
15. Hero kneels before Heroine.
16. Hero peels banana and eats fruit.
17. Hours walk across the stage from different directions & pass each other.
18. Hero passes iron over Heroine’s hand.
19. Hero places banana skin under the stand
20. Sun goes down, halfway, three quarters way, all the way.
21. Shadows come on too fast. Then slow down.
22. Clock strikes Hero and Heroine, and they collapse.
23. Darkness does a prone fall.
24. Curtains walk to center and assume original positions.