Volume 6 Issue 5
December 1999

STUNTS AND CHEERS

Jokes
York Adams Council

Q: Which way did the computer go?
A: He went data way!

Q: What's a computer's favorite sport?
A: Running!

Q: How do computers choose their meals?
A: From menus!

Q: What is a computer's favorite snack?
A: Silly corn chips!

Y2K Fix
York Adams Council

Cub walks on stage with a January calendar (8-1/2 by 11 sheet with month title "JANUARK" at top and blocks with date numbers in them) Cub holds up the calendar and announces "I installed Y-to-K software in my computer and look what happened!"

Circle 10 Council

Did you hear they caught the burglars who were robbing all the computer stores?
No, howíd they catch them?
Well, their get-away car broke down, because they had a HARD DRIVE!

Boy comes on vigorously waving a butterfly or fishing net.
Hey, what are you doing?
Iím catching computer viruses.
Whatís that youíre using?
Itís an INTER-net!

Boy rushes out, glancing backwards, obviously frightened.
Help, help itís scaring me!
Whatís scaring you?
My computer, I heard that it BYTES!

Found these in my mailbox--thanks WoodOwl for the laughs or would that be groans : )

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

Applauses
York Adams Council

Keyboard applause: Drum fingers on a hard, flat surface as if typing on the keyboard.

Power Outage applause - Stare into the imaginary computer screen in front of you with a concerned look that you just lost all of your data when the power went out. Whisper "Please don't, please don't, please don't." and then (realizing you didn't loose the data) shout "YES!"

"You've Got Mail!" applause - There are certain sounds that we specifically associate with the computer and certain programs on the computer. One of those is the America On Line® (AOL) sing-song "You've Got Mail" notification. This applause uses that same sing-song "melody" to announce "You Done Good."

Pac Man applause - Make hand into shape of a pac man figure. Open and close fingers and thumb like a mouth chewing and in a nasal voice say "wonka-wonka- wonka-wonk."

Computer "Freeze" applause - Make a big show of getting ready to clap. Bring hands together as if to clap but "freeze" just before the hands make contact with each other.

Applause
Mt. Diablo Silverado Council

Computer Applause: Turn on your computer and say: "Bee do loop, Bee do loop" Then you punch in some data and say in a very monotone voice, "Does Not Compute, Does Not Compute, Does Not Compute."

Mouse Applause: Have the group stand up and say: "Squeak, Squeak, Squeak."

Zee End Applause: Tell your group this is to be the last applause for the night, have them take a deep breath, and yell: This is Zeee End!"

Big Thumb Applause: Hold your hand in front of you, make a fist, hold your thumb up and say :"Great Job!"

Cute for Walk-Ons
From Judy P

Thought for the Day

1) Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away from him and you have his shoes.

2 ) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation...

3) I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

4) If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"

5) Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

6) What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

7) Employment applications and other forms often ask who should be notified in case of emergency. I think you should write: "The best doctor you can find."

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